a woman asked a common question
'how do I know if I married the right person?'
here's the answer
EVERY relationship has a cycle
in the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse/partner
you anticipated their call, wanted their touch
and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit)
falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard
in fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience
you didn't have to DO anything
that's why it's called 'falling' in love...
because it's happening TO YOU
people in love sometimes say, 'i was swept off my feet'
think about the imagery of that expression
it implies that you were just standing there;
doing nothing, and then something came along and happened
falling in love is easy
it's a passive and spontaneous experience
but after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades
it's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship
slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all),
touch is not always welcome (when it happens),
and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts
the symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship
but if you think about your marriage
you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love
and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage
at this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking,
'did I marry the right person?'
and as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had
you may begin to desire that experience with someone else
this is when marriages breakdown
people blame their spouse for their unhappiness
and look outside their marriage for fulfillment
extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes
infidelity is the most obvious
but sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV,
or abusive substances
but the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage
it lies within it
i'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else
and TEMPORARILY you'd feel better
but you'd be in the same situation a few years later
because (listen carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON;
IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience
it'll NEVER just happen to you
you can't 'find' LASTING love
you have to 'make' it day in and day out
that's why we have the expression 'the labor of love'
because it takes time, effort, and energy
and most importantly, it takes WISDOM
you have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work
love in marriage is indeed a 'decision'
not just a feeling.
remember always this:
'god determines who walks into your life
it is up to you to decide who you let to walk away,
who you let to stay, and who you refuse to let go'
ps, those who are still single may learn something from here..
those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage & relationship